I used to think I knew what I was talking about—and that what was true for me was universally true. This is a helpful delusion for an author, by the way. How else would I have ever screwed up the courage to talk about work/life issues over the course of 16 books?
And so it is with growing humility that I wish to revisit my last blog, “Feeling the Love at Work,” with a confession. What I wrote is true for me—but is not true for everybody.
In the blog, I shared the joy of my journey from being a boss, with both the perks and isolation of positional power, to joining somebody else’s company as an employee. “No longer the Lone Ranger, I am now one of the gang… And while some may observe that on some levels, it may appear that I’ve been living my career backwards, I’ve got the perfect response. “No,” I’d say. “Not backwards. Inside out.”
Wasn’t long before I heard from Sandra, a good friend, somebody I respect and admire, who thought the “inside out” bit was clever, but that I’d gotten the backwards part, well, backwards.
“You know how many years I spent as a faithful employee,” Sandra phoned in to me. “In fact, it was you who always encouraged me to take a risk and follow my dreams. What a leap of faith it took to leave the security of being a fellow employee, to step up to start my own company! I love being the boss—and as for me, I’m at a point in my life where I’ll take all the positional power I can get.”
She was right. But I was right, too. And then I got it. We are a generation of men and women who have already put in four or five plus decades into our work lives, and most of us will be working for quite awhile longer. That’s a long time! In fact, it’s so very long it’s as if we have enough years and opportunities to live not just once, but twice!
You can be somebody, like me, who started her own company in her 20’s and thirty years later, wishes she had developed other aspects of herself. And at the new 40 or 50 or 60 something, it’s not too late. In fact, anticipating another several decades or more, you can revisit your curiosity, your aspirations, your deficits and your boredom and go after what you’ve been missing. And even more, you can do so without judgment or concern about others’ opinions about what is right, best or even important, let alone what it means for you to fulfill your true human potential.
When viewed through this liberating perspective, it makes sense that someone who has spent her whole career as an employee might want to experience what it feels like to be a boss—and visa versa. As I think this through, I can think of friends who spent the majority of their career in pursuit of materialistic trappings who are now doing things like going off to Ashrams to live. I can also think of friends who after a lifetime of simple living are traveling the world first-class and seeking out every 5-star restaurant in the book. It is as if we are all at a giant persona swap meet, getting rid of what no longer serves us (or that which we’ve already mastered) and trying on new qualities, characteristics and careers for size.
So “inside out,” “backwards and forwards” or “visa versa,” I add humility into my shopping bag. By leaving behind aspects of our lives and careers that we are ready to let go, and filling in the pieces that have been left out, missing or underappreciated, we are doing the true work of our mid-career and beyond lives: becoming whole.