Inner Excellence: Plugging In - Making the Connection in Cyberspace
From Carol Orsborn, Ph.D., 11/10/2009 9:35:33 AM
When I hit my mid-50’s, things started to change with my inner circle of long-time friends. While we had tracked one another through every life stage from graduation from college to first jobs, from pregnancies through child-rearing and building careers, once our nests began emptying, we literally began finding ourselves in different places.
When I say literally—I mean it. For instance, my best friend Sharon moved from ten minutes away from me in Los Angeles to Bali, where by all reports, she lives with her husband like a tropical princess, complete with palm trees and monkeys. Other friends have moved to gated communities, within golf cart distance of their grandchildren or to downtown condos, to be closer to the action.
Needless to say, it is a rare moment, indeed, when I get to sit face-to-face with any of my old friends over a hot, foamy cappuccino. And quite honestly, even when we do, it is not always the same. Take my friend from Bali, for instance. When Sharon comes to visit, she still has issues to talk about, of course, like making sure she gets the locals to say the right blessings for things like the installation of her new plumbing, or risk being cursed. But it’s not particularly situations with which I can identify.
There’s good news, however. And given that you’re reading me online, chances are you will resonate with what I’m about to say. I still have that most basic of human needs satisfied: the yearning for connection with like-minded souls, the knowledge that I am not alone in the world; the gratification of reaching out to others in a similar life stage and circumstance.
Who would ever have thought that it was to be relationships—including those with strangers—in cyberspace that could have filled in the communal gaps?
I remember when I first went on email, and acutely missed the emotional connection behind the black digits scrawling across my screen. But the miracle is, we Boomers adapt. Make no mistake about it: those of us who are pioneering online relationships are learning as we go—and the technology of communications is doing a great job of both responding to and anticipating our changing needs.
I’ve adapted, too. And here are my top three learnings:
1. Find the right online communities for you. You may have different communities for different needs. For instance, RealForMe.com is a great place to reach out to others who are at a similar stage in life, thinking about the transition to retirement. When I’m craving a heart-to-heart with girlfriends over cappuccino, I head for VibrantNation.com, the online community exclusively for women 50 plus. When I want to plan a trip, I go to TripAdvisor.com. Take the time to get to know the voices and interactions on the site just as in joining non-virtual communities, you build your trust level organically.
2. Make a conscious decision as to which sites/situations would serve which of your needs better: to be able to participate online anonymously, or to be publicly identified. Want to talk about the kinds of things you’d only feel comfortable saying to a close friend? Try anonymity. Want to network or promote your business? You’ll need a site that allows you to identify yourself.
3. Once you’ve found an online community that feels like it’s populated with like-minded souls, commit. If you read something in a blog or comment that elicits a response from you, go ahead and post it. If you’ve got questions, concerns or issues of your own, put it out there. There is a risk and reward ratio to making online connections work for you. Anonymous or not, the more you put into it, the more you’ll get out of it.
And one last tip. There’s nothing to stop you from sipping a cappuccino as you go—just take care not to spill it on your keyboard.
