Exploring Wellness for Body, Mind and Self: Resolve - Honoring the “No” Within

From Anne Meneghetti, MD, Wednesday, March 10, 2010

We’ve all been there – captured in the trap of saying “yes” when we really want to say “no.” When family, friends, or colleagues appeal to you for help, do you find it easy to decline? I’m terrible at it. Consequently, I end up doing plenty of things that should be on somebody else’s to-do list. Accepting invites to inconvenient events. Taking notes at a meeting. Restoring old family photos. Donating to various causes. Sewing costumes for relatives. After decades of saying “yes” so often, it got to the point where I didn’t even wait for people to ask – I preemptively offered, just to save time.

Many of us have been taught to think of others first, that serving others is more important than meeting personal needs. Over the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that the people who most need to hear that message are the ones doing all the asking. One day I confessed to a neighbor that I felt guilty for paying someone to clean my house once a week and hiring occasional help to maintain my tiny lawn and garden. She surprised me by saying, “You work extremely hard all day – you need time to rest and relax to stay healthy. Hiring people integrates you with the community and provides support to people who need the work.” Hearing her advice, I began to see things differently. When I feel guilty about saying no or asking for help, I consider these points:

This information is purely educational and does not replace a physician's advice that may be unique to each individual.  For all medical concerns, please see a physician to establish a diagnosis and explore proven treatments. Please note that any views or opinions presented in this email are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the company or REAL Powered by Humana program.